Dear GOP…It’s You, Not Me

We may have to break up.

And yes it’s you, not me. Oh please, don’t cry, don’t do that.

We’ve been together nearly 16 years – that’s a long time for anyone yeah? And over the years I’ve forgiven you for certain trespasses (No Child Left Behind, Patriot Act) because I believed at the end of the day you really did stand for what I stood for… freedom, limited government, low taxes, protecting civil liberties, fighting for our people… you know, the tenets of conservatism.

But now? It’s like I woke up next to a stranger and that stranger has REALLY bad breath and hasn’t taken a shower in a week or so.

What happened? Are we really so angry a party that we’re willing to throw our ideals out the window and support some maniac who between you and me should just shave that shit on his head already? Let’s be honest, you’re looking for revenge… revenge on the left, on the government, on other GOP’rs who supposedly wronged us. It’s not about supporting who we think will take care of the mess this country has become, it’s about who we think will MAKE THEM PAY.

We’re ANGRY! We’re PISSED OFF! RAR! Build a wall! Ban the Muslims! RAR! LET’S BAN EVERYONE WE DISAGREE WITH! Everything wrong with this country is because of the Mexicans… or the left… or that guy who we disagree with so FUCK HIM LET’S DESTROY HIM. It’s a revolution up in this bitch – YEEEEHAW, let’s do this! WOOP #MERICA!

Sorry, I may be a chainsaw-crazed-blood-thirsty rabbit but that is not what I signed up for (c’mon, when the maniacs like me in the party are saying you’ve gone too far maybe pay attention). I did not sign up for revenge politics, I did not sign up for proving every hateful stereotype from the left to be true, and I most certainly did not sign up for supporting some jackass liberal who woke up one day and said, “Hey, you know what, I’m a conservative today. This will be YUGE.”

So… it’s likely over. I suppose at this point I am hoping for some type of intervention and that we can somehow get back together but honestly the way things are going, I don’t see that happening. I will miss our walks along the beach and picnics in the park but you’re just not the party I fell in love with any more.

Get some therapy.



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