A Conservative’s Guide to Surviving Thanksgiving Dinner

Every year, we are inundated with perpetually smug ‘Thanksgiving dinner survival guides’ for overly sensitive, safe-space needing progressives from Leftist rags like Salon and Slate. Inevitably there is always some crazy redneck uncle in a tinfoil hat, wearing flannel over his ‘No Fat Chicks’ t-shirt who is armed with several giant guns and who just so happens to be a Trump supporter at the dinner table.

Ok, maybe the t-shirt says something like, ‘Save the Whales, Harpoon a Fat Chick,’ but you get the gist. The uncle is always some HORRIBLE racist, sexist, bigot who chews and makes his more sensitive nephews cry, and THAT’S why they need a survival guide.

Yeah, it’s stupid.

But on that note, I started thinking about surviving Thanksgiving with annoying green-penis Liberals at the dinner table and you know what, we don’t have nearly enough survival guides for THAT. So I present you with a Conservative’s Guide to Surviving Thanksgiving Dinner.

  1. Drink. Drink heavily. Drink a lot. Start drinking EARLY.
  2. If you carry, be sure at some point to take your unloaded weapon out and clean it at the dinner table; hey, if these morons think you’re a crazy redneck anyway you might as well have a little fun with them.
  3. Eat meat. LOTS of meat. In fact, put meat on TOP of your meat and then ask for some extra meat to eat on the side. And then when you think you’ve eaten all the meat you can … eat more meat.
  4. Come prepared with at least a dozen really good Hillary Clinton jokes to tell during dessert. The more sexist, the BETTER.
  5. Remind them how much more you pay for health insurance under Obamacare – at least three times.
  6. PRAY before dinner and you know what, PRAY before dessert too.
  7. Use traditional pronouns like ‘he’ and ‘she’ only, and make sure to put an emphasis on said pronouns in each and every conversation.
  8. Carry a small bottle of air freshener with you … you never know how long it’s been since your niece or nephew who believes we are literally KILLING the planet by using too much water has taken a shower.
  9. When your Liberal brother-in-law who quit his job because he didn’t want to keep funding the ‘American capitalistic war machine’ starts complaining about the fundamental problems with the Constitution, be prepared with a few various hand gestures. These include:
    1. Playing the world’s smallest violin
    2. ‘Blah blah blah’ open and close
    3. Obligatory ‘jerk off’ motion
    4. Subtle middle finger, which may take some practice.
  10. Last of all, and most importantly, keep your sense of humor and stay outta jail.

All of this being said, probably the reason we don’t see more ‘survival guides’ for Conservatives during the holidays is that we’re not all a bunch of pansies who throw temper tantrums and cry when people disagree with us.

Because you know, we’re adults.

Happy Thanksgiving!


The Life and Times of a Never Trumper

I noticed many far more important people than me were writing about the Never Trump movement on this fine election eve, and never one to be outdone, I decided to throw my two cents in. And no one is shocked, I know.

Last July I jumped into the Never Trump movement with both feet, swinging my proverbial chainsaw with everything I had, in hopes that I could make enough noise to wake the GOP up from their odd, Trump-induced coma. Because let’s face it, many Trump supporters behave as if they are under some sort of odd trance or viral infection of some sort. Instead of waking people up I managed to get myself attacked, stalked, harassed and threatened … by who else, Trump supporters.

At the time it was devastating because I had spent a good two years getting attacked by the Left, but none of those crazy Lefties ever came after me as hard as my own side. That’s what hurt the most, it was “my people” trying to ruin me and my life. Sure, the Left called me everything but a white woman, but none of them ever tried to intimidate me in real life.

Like Trump supporters did.

I laid dormant for almost three months after those attacks – beaten, betrayed and absolutely ready to give up. What was the point afterall, if my own group would go that far to hurt me for not falling in line and supporting Donald Trump. Sure, I kept my handle at Twitter “alive” by logging in here and there, but not because I planned on coming back, but because I didn’t want any of the haters to get it.

It was a really awful time.

Luckily good friends and my amazing family helped me through it, and made me realize that if horrible people hated me THAT MUCH and were willing to go to SUCH LENGTHS to silence me, what I was saying was important. So here I am. Bruised, bloodied and a little worse for wear but still standing.

Sure, those dregs of the Trump movement still try and accuse me of crazy things (last I heard I was part of the illuminati working for Hillary or something), but I hardly pay them any mind … my focus was and is to oppose Donald Trump. And in that I think I have been successful. I have not swayed or become a last resorter and TRUST ME, God knows that would have been a far easier path, but here I am, on election eve, still DEFYING TRUMP.

Call it stubborn. Call it crazy.

I call it principled. Okay, and maybe a little stubborn and crazy. But worth it.

Regardless of the outcome of tomorrow’s election, I’m going to hate the next president of the US, and I’m resolved in that. I have been since Cruz dropped out … but in my resolve I also know I stood for what is right, good and true. And no matter what was thrown at me, I never folded and I never gave in… I’d like to think Alexander Hamilton is smiling down on me

Or laughing his ass off, either way – win!

-PB, Nov 7, 2016

Happy Mother’s Day, Kiddos


I became a mom in 2005.

At the time we lived in a small town in Wisconsin, I was 26 weeks along and the mister was taking me for a 3D ultrasound of our little girl as a birthday present. We stopped in Madison to stay the night on our way to “the big city,” Milwaukee, and it was in that modest Holiday Inn room where my life changed forever.

I woke up around 5 a.m. thinking I needed to use the restroom, yet when I got up I was covered in fluid… I realized with terror that my water had broken, 14 weeks before our daughter was due. The mister woke up and zipped me to St. Mary’s Hospital, where I laid in the emergency room for several hours wondering when the contractions would start and if my little girl would survive the ordeal. Eventually a doctor came in and explained to me that my water had ruptured but I was not in full-blown labor – she also informed me I would be in the hospital until Daisy was born (we already knew her name).

Fast forward two and a half weeks when I went into full blown labor, and several pain-filled hours later (no drugs because they didn’t believe I was actually in labor although I screamed at them and swore a lot) a tiny, lovely, little baby girl mewed her way into this world. I didn’t even see her because I wanted them to “save her” in case she was in trouble; they took my 2 1/2 pound little girl to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit where she would spend the next 63 days of her life.

That night after she was stable, my husband wheeled me down to the NICU and there she was, laying on the warming bed, resting peacefully. She looked like she was covered in lovely white feathers and my heart, which I thought was already filled with love for her, overfilled and I knew then and there what an amazing gift I had been given. I was honored and blessed to be her mom.

My son was born two years later, I call him my “healing child,” as I originally felt I had failed Daisy and that clearly I was not so good at this whole being pregnant thing. God of course had other plans and nine scary months later there he was, my healthy, “term” baby boy who seemed HUGE to me at nearly 8 pounds; of course his sister only weighed 2 1/2 pounds when she was born but yeah, he seemed so big. I have always thought Caleb came along not only for me, but for Daisy – they have since become the best of friends and he is her greatest fan and protector.

I tell this story every Mother’s Day as a reminder that being a mom is not only about what we do for our children, but what our children do for us. Sure, moms do a ton of work – I think it’s the toughest but most rewarding job on the planet – but our children do so much for us. I am a better woman for being Daisy and Caleb’s mom, I am a stronger person for having to be strong for them, and I am certainly more grateful for this life than at any time before they were born.

So Happy Mother’s Day to the moms of course, but also Happy Mother’s Day to our children who’ve “hired” us for the best job in the world.

Liberals Are a Bunch of Cowards!

  Another guest blogger! My good friend, @PattyGirl. – PB

Is it true Obama left a condolence message for Prince?

But has yet to leave a message for the countless brave who have sacrificed for our country. No message for Chris Kyle’s wife, yet personally calls rappers, athletes who come out of the closet and thugs who get killed shooting cops. Invites a muslim bomb maker to the White House and shuts our WW2 veterans off from War Memorials. Allows Bergdhal’s daddy to praise Allah in our Rose Garden, and compares muslim beheading to the Christian Crusades.

This man has publically lied to every American telling us our premiums would not go up from Obamacare, that you can keep your doctor and plan. So while he golfs, non stop and ignores the fires he has lit accross the globe, Socialism has hit us all between the eyes.

But please, let’s talk about where grown men can pee.

Liberals are a bunch of cowards! 

Where are the women charging the fight for our girls safety?

Where are the women who publically defile muslims for marrying off their baby girls or mutilating their wives with acid or cutting off their genitalia? Where are they? SILENT 

The truth is, as in the joke called Obamacare, they are liberals.

Obamacare has hit this entire country, upended our economy…

and silence from the left. 

End. Of. Rant.

WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE: Wyoming Delegates


Being that I’m in Wyoming I suppose it’s time to come clean about what happened here during our caucus – the terrible secrets and scheming are honestly just too much to bear. Clearly Trump and his supporters were totes cheated here in Wyoming and they deserve to know the truth.

May the GOP have mercy on our souls…

The year was 1890 in the newly formed state of Wyoming, and a bunch of GOP elitist cowpokes were sitting around a campfire talking about horses and guns because yeah, that’s what they talked about then. One particular elitist, a John W. Smith out of the Cody area, took a drink of his sarsaparilly and said, “Ya’ know, in 126 years this feller by the name of Donald J. Trump is gonna run for president and boy howdy, we shore don’t want that,” (see, I’m writing him with an accent so you can get the full experience).

Another elitist by the name of Big George Wilson -who had all of his teeth no less- nearly choked on his sarsaprilly and piped up, “Tarnation! We cain’t have that! We better start putting a plan in place NOW to keep that varmint outta office,” (ok, so Big George sounds a little like Yosemite Sam… sue me).

So John, George, Paul and Ringo… errr… I mean Bob, yeah that’s it, Bob, sat around that campfire plotting to make sure the establishment would keep one Donald J. Trump out of the White House, even though it was still 126 years away. See out here in the west we have to plan really super early because of the mountains and stuff. Luckily they wrote everything down so over a century later the good people of Wyoming could FINALLY enact their evil plot to cheat the Trump people out of their vote.


For the first time ever I am sharing a few of the more important details of how we made sure Trump did badly in Wyoming – Trumpers may want to take notes.

  • We made sure women COULD vote here – yes, Wyoming was the first state in the union to give women the right to vote, and considering 70%+ of women despise Trump this played a large part in our process to STEAL his delegates.
  • In Wyoming we have a caucus and a convention which truly is a representative republic at work – we elect our delegates here to represent us, which is ultimately what the founders intended when they created our REPUBLIC. Apparently this whole “being a republic” thing is cheating to Trump and Trump supporters… MWAHAHAH!
  • Candidates were invited to come here and speak to and with us… super sneaky. You see in Wyoming we take our politics very personally and we expect a lot from the people we vote for – we’re not fans of talking points, rhetoric and drama, we want to hear your facts, your ideas and your policies. Clearly this also put Trump at a disadvantage. Take that Trump campaign!
  • Oh yeah, and we deliberately made it snow so Palin would cancel on us – or she got confused and thought she wasn’t supposed to be here? Not sure on that. Side note, the scheming snow did not keep Cruz from coming here and speaking.
  • We don’t let Democrats vote in our GOP process here – this is the ultimate cheat, right? You see, we understand Democrats may be tempted to sabotage the process and give us a candidate we don’t want (sound familiar?) and so yeah, we don’t let that happen. Ever. WE’RE SUCH CHEATERS.
  • And of course most importantly, never squat with your spurs on – ok, not sure what this has to do with keeping Trump out of the White House BUT it’s good, sound advice.

There are a few other parts about making sure everyone carries a writing utensil if Trump visits the state (even the elitist cowboys knew Trump would be scared of pens way back then), some details about how we only support candidates who wear cowboy boots and eat their steaks RARE but you get the gist… we’ve been plotting for over a century to “steal” delegates from Trump.

Shew! Talk about planning and perseverance… boy howdy.

Colorado Caucus Causes CHAOS!


Colorado has been in chaos… CHAOS I TELL YOU! Who knew something as mundane and let’s face it, as boring as a caucus could cause such CHAOS and MAYHEM in the political world? (try to say caucus causes chaos five times fast). Let’s face it, we’re experiencing a reality show circus-style election cycle where the leading GOP believes Planned Parenthood does good work and he loves the individual mandate in Obamacare nothing should be all that surprising.

For the last several days I have seen so much nonsense, like how “WE THE PEOPLE” weren’t allowed to vote in Colorado and that THE ‘STABLISHMEN and ‘ELEETZ are trying to silence us and steal our voting rights. IT’S ALL A PLOT I TELL YOU, A PLOT STARTED 156 YEARS AGO TO STEAL THE ‘LECTION FROM TRUMP (ugh, using that many capital letters is literally painful for me)! After trying to debate this with literally hundreds of Trump supporters I thought maybe it was time to make this really super simple, use a bunch of single-syllable words and explain what a caucus is and how it works.

See, I’m a giver… let’s get started.

Ok, so what is a caucus?
Well boys and girls, a caucus is a meeting of the members of a legislative body who are members of a particular political party, to select candidates or decide policy (so a bunch of Republicans or Democrats). It is also a group of people with shared concerns within a political party or larger organization. Yup. That’s it.

Still with me? Rock star. So what’s the purpose of a caucus?
So glad you asked… the purpose of caucuses is to elect precinct committee persons and delegates to county assemblies. That means people vote for other people to act as delegates… THE PEOPLE VOTE. Got it? The people, not some mythical establishment monster pooping on the Constitution and laughing maniacally as he destroys your VOICE! Nope. Just people. I know, crazy.

What happens at a caucus?
During a caucus, a bunch of insiders and puppy-kickers sit around making fun of Trump and brag about the money other candidates bribed them with… OK NOT REALLY. Here’s the boring reality of a caucus, attendees (aka NORMAL PEOPLE) elect officers who will be responsible for organizing political activities within the precinct (or where PEOPLE LIVE throughout the state). Caucus attendees also elect delegates and alternates to represent the precinct at the political party’s county or district convention. Boring again, right? And hey, if you are a candidate and you make an effort to be involved guess what, you’ll do decently. Moving on.

Who can vote in a caucus?
 Listening to Trump supporters , clearly only people who hate Trump and know the secret evil establishment Satanic handshake in Colorado were allowed to vote – just kidding. Basically in order to vote in any precinct caucus you must be a resident of your state, have registered to vote 29 days before the caucus and be affiliated with the party holding the caucus for at least two months prior. That’s it. And sure, if you’re a Democrat looking to take a dump on the GOP and sabotage us during our primary season you won’t get far in a caucus, but otherwise, seems pretty easy.

How are delegates selected?
Voters (again, PEOPLE) in each group are invited to give speeches supporting their candidate and try to persuade others to join their group. At the end of the caucus, party organizers count the voters in each candidate’s group and calculate how many delegates to the county convention each candidate has won. I know, you probably thought they sacrificed small animals and drank blood but nope, they give speeches, try to persuade others to their way of thinking, and then delegates are awarded. Ooooh shady right?

How do they figure out how many delegates each candidate gets?
In the GOP each state chooses either the proportional method (based on PERCENTAGES) or a “winner-take-all” method of awarding delegates. Each. State. Chooses. This is key. Not every state does this the same way, and sure it can be confusing BUT if you even just Google your state and “primary process” you can find it pretty easily, and I bet you can even find the rules! *gasp* Under the winner-take-all method, the candidate getting the most votes from a state’s caucus or primary, gets all of that state’s delegates at the national convention. Make sense? Nothing villainous here folks, nothing sneaky. If you want to be involved you just have to make the effort to be involved.

Is that it?
Pretty much, yeah. And sure, there are more steps like a convention but let’s start here because obviously far too many people (including certain candidates) are confused or being deliberately obtuse on this process and we need to keep it simple.

See? If you just spend a teensy bit of time educating yourself on this process it’s obvious no one cheated in Colorado and that the only reason Trump didn’t do better was for the same reasons his supporters are angry now, he didn’t bother to learn the process. Sloppy, disorganized campaigning was his downfall, not the devious puppy-kickers at the caucus.


The Orange, The Crazy and a Bottle of Yoohoo


The title of this blog sounds like a bad country western song… which isn’t too far from the truth since I’m writing about Trump. – PB

Greetings from a #NeverTrumpSupremacist.

Oh, you didn’t hear? Not only are folks who are against Trump,  “Never Trump,” but apparently we’re also supremacists, along with other feel-good terms like RINO, cuck, whore, slut, GOPe, establishment, die-bitch-die and Cruz Street Walker (my personal favorite). Clearly the #NeverTrump movement is SO belligerent with our facts, actual policy ideas and concerns around a liberal turned republican for five minutes running for president that we in some way are the bad buys. The villains. It’s not the Trump supporters threatening our lives and calling us race traitors and mudsharks who are unkind, no no, it’s those of us insisting the Constitution still matters who are the bullies.

The supremacists if you will.

I guess not wanting an authoritarian like  Trump to represent the party in some way is what makes us “supremacists”… which I suppose is a catchy insult if you’re a brain-dead, drooling, ass-backwards, swallowed his tongue, Branch Trumpidian with an AlwaysTrump tat on your forehead but for the rest of us who are capable of thought, it’s just silly.

Sure, us dastardly ol’ #NeverTrump folks speak out against their orange God and are proactively doing what we can to educate the masses on the joke and fraud the man is but to relate us to a movement of hate? Hrm. I suppose the irony of  Trump supporters accusing others of being hateful is lost on these folks… but I digress.

Wisconsin of course brought out the uber-crazy-on-meth in the Trump supporters, with plenty of chest pounding and screeching about CHEATERS, CUCKS and MEDIA oh my! Those scheming cheese heads and their establishment governor Walker sprinkled magical Cruz dust on the state to keep Wisconsinites from voting for Trump! IT’S TRUE. They dumped a vat of mind-altering drugs that tasted like beer and brats in the water system there just to make sure Trump got screwed by the GOPe. In fact, it was the Soros chem-trails that the government insists aren’t real that cost ol’ Donny the Badger State… you betcha.

The reality in Wisconsin, and in the other states Trump has lost, is that Trump himself is sabotaging his campaign with ignorant behavior, obnoxious talking points and temper tantrums that would make any three-year-old tell him to settle down and take a nap. For the past two weeks watching his campaign has been like watching a soap opera, in fact he should rename the campaign, “The Orange and the Crazy.” His tiny-hand circus is what cost him Wisconsin (and North Dakota, and Texas, and Iowa, and Oklahoma, and Utah, and Maine…) and it may actually cost him a large chunk of his home state of NY if he doesn’t somehow get it together.

So while the #NeverTrump movement is effective and has made an impact, we can’t take full credit for what appears to be the Trump campaign imploding. Ultimately it has been Trump and Trump alone who has hurt himself with voters, he really has been his own undoing.  And luckily we can sit back and watch this bizarre soap opera like good little supremacists, laughing our asses off with a large bowl of popcorn and a bottle of Yoohoo.

Yes, even supremacists drink Yoohoo… look it up.

It’s Prolife, Not Just Pro-Baby


Please welcome my first guest blogger, the lovely, talented and brilliant, @artist_angie! – PB

Most of you know me as @artist_angie on twitter. Make some jokes play some hashtags Angie, but we need to talk and it’s going to require more than my normal 140 characters and goofy approach on twitter. We need to have a serious conversation about Donald Trump and the damage he did to the Pro-Life Movement.

In an interview with Chris Matthews, Mr. Trump said there would have to be “some form of punishment” for women who sought abortions IF abortion was illegal. Ok I get it. You look at the sentence and you say well if it was illegal shouldn’t they pay consequences if they broke the law? Or maybe you say IT WAS CHRIS TINGLE UP MY LEG MATTHEWS!!! He was trying to hurt him, give him a break!  My answer to you is no it is not the woman who should pay any consequence and Trump gets no break, because a true pro-lifer could navigate that question easily without damage to our brand and his response showed he had no idea what the heart of being pro-life is. Trump simply used a leftist caricature of what he thinks pro-lifers are and ran with it.  The idea we would want to punish an already wounded person is ridiculous.

I’ve been involved in Pro-life causes, clinics, etc. since I was 18 years old (that is a long time, I am old). Our goal was and remains to protect and preserve life – that includes both baby AND mother. We want to help her, not punish her. We understand some of the long lasting and damaging consequences of abortion. Some women seek abortion because they have already been victimized and our goal is to show them some of the harsh consequences of abortion and aid them so they don’t get further victimized by the procedure itself. If you are wondering what the correct answer would be to the Matthews question, here you go:

“As a pro-life conservative my heart is to preserve ALL life. Both that of the child and to nurture the mother, not to punish her. If the procedure was deemed illegal we would seek punishment against the provider performing the act, not the mother.” 

We need to be realistic, abortion is never going to be illegal and we should work from that point of view. We work to limit the number of abortions and sway public opinion. We have made great strides in the last 10 -15 years polling shows most people are against partial birth abortion and are ok with some restrictions on standard abortion. This is all good but it still does not mean we will not have to pay many dues and take a huge hit for the damage Mr. Trump did in one small sentence.

I am Pro-Life because I really do believe all life has purpose and meaning. You can’t volunteer in a life clinic and not understand that the mothers are the key to the movement, they are the people making the hard choices. The choice is hard, no matter what they choose. We do not need caricatures or stereotypes thrown on us or the mothers. Each person who walks in a life clinic or an abortion clinic is a scared human being, sometimes as young as 13 or 14 yr. old girls. They have a life and they are just as precious as the baby they carry.

If you understand nothing else from this post, please understand that both mothers and children are important and being pro-life for 99% of us is not just about the baby but truly is about nurturing and preserving LIFE, both mother and child.  WE ARE PRO-LIFE not PRO-BABY and we will keep fighting even when the blows are thrown at us from a person who is supposed to be on our side.

Bibbity Bobbity Bitch


I am a bitch.

It’s true.

I own it, but I like to think I use my bitch powers for good, not bad. Sort of like the Good Witch (with a B) of the North. Of course I’m sure there are plenty of liberals and even more Trump supporters (same difference) who would disagree that I use them for good, but screw them. That’s right, screw them with a sideways-spiked-dipped-in-lemon-juice cattle prod all day every day and TWICE on Sunday.

Sorry, I’m blogging angry, and it’s never a good idea to blog angry… unless you write what you really think when you’re angry and then maybe it’s a good thing? Not sure but that being said, I’m ticked.


Pissed off.

Fussy. Cranky. Agitated. Furious. Frustrated. Irritated. Flustered. Raging.

You get the picture. I’m mad.

And why am I ready to meltdown dramatically in a blaze of chainsaws? Because far too many people are once again excusing the orange nightmare leading the GOP for his typical sexist bullshit AND DAMMIT, feminists have made it nearly impossible to call out sexism when it actually happens because they have saturated the word.

RAR. *throws flaming chainsaw*

Government not paying for your birth control? Not sexist.
Trump implying women who disagree with him are ugly just for disagreeing with him? Sexist.
A man looking at you because he thinks you are lovely? Not sexist.
Trump accusing Megyn Kelly of being on the rag because she made him look stupid during a debate? Sexist.
Employers paying based on ability and not boobs? Not sexist.
Trump calling a female reporter who was manhandled by his campaign manager a liar and his campaign team attacking her character and her sex for days? Sexist.

Just so we’re clear.

And seriously, retweeting this nonsense… is this presidential?

Can you see Reagan going on twitter and calling women who disagreed with him ugly or accusing them of being on their periods? Hell, even Nixon didn’t say horrible things like this in public, and he was a real asshole. But Trump? He takes the orange cake. And you know, you’d think by now nothing would shock me, nothing would surprise me when it comes to politics, especially during this disastrous election, but this whole mess really did.

A Super PAC called “Making America Awesome” put out an ad in Utah showing somewhat risque photos of Melania Trump that she POSED FOR and released for public use… Trump blamed Cruz and immediately started threatening to “spill the beans on Heidi,” his wife. Even when Liz Mair from MAA released a statement explaining Cruz had zero to do with the ad, Trump continued to attack Cruz’s wife, going so far as to retweet personal attacks on her appearance. Cruz spoke out, stated Melania was lovely, that Heidi was the love of his life and men shouldn’t treat women in this way… didn’t matter.

And to top that off, what did the Trump supporters do when they were told Cruz had nothing to do with it? Most of them ignored reality (they’re good at that) and kept on screeching and insisting Cruz is a LIAR and a big OLD POOPY HEAD. The ones who did accept Cruz had nothing to do with the ad started threatening Mair’s life, her family, contacting them, doxing her on websites… all because of photos that were readily available online and in print, photos Melania posed for during a photo session Trump himself was part of…

The hypocrisy of Trump supporters shaking their fists about a woman being used in an attack ad while attacking two other women…

I got nothin’.

How can any woman support this guy? I don’t get it.

So I will keep using my bitch powers for good, speaking out against this type of behavior and hoping that more and more people will see Dump for who he is. A mean, spiteful, dishonest, fluffy-headed ninny monger who has NO business leading a conga line, let alone the free world.

Bibbity, boppity, bitch.

Bunny to English Dictionary


It has come to my attention I have not made certain accommodations for those folks who read my blog or follow me in social media who don’t speak “bunny.” As I am a traditionally tolerant and giving sort (no really, I am) I have put together this “mini-dictionary” if you will of a few words, terms and phrases you may come across in this particular rabbit hole. Whether you are a friend, a fan or a hater, please feel free to use this reference for all social media platforms.

Good Luck: I use this phrase a lot and have for the three or so years I have been active in social media. Traditionally I use it when I am done debating someone who won’t shut up or who has officially annoyed me to the point of not wanting to look at their face any more. Granted, the meaning behind the term is not very nice or fluffy but it is far more polite than telling someone to die in a fire.

Chainsaw, With a Chainsaw, Chainsaw: You know, I honestly don’t remember why I started to tell people to fornicate with power tools or why I chose a chainsaw… but it stuck. In the movie, Heathers, one of the Heathers says something about being f’d gently with a chainsaw so perhaps it came from there? Either way, I don’t just reference chainsaws (although it is by far my favorite power tool), I also suggest haters fornicate with cattle prods, sideways shovels, pineapples and other items that are decidedly sharp and far from romantic or comfortable. Yeah, I know it’s immature, but so is social media when you think about it.

Fascinating: When used as a “sentence” of sorts this is simple, it means, “Wow, you’re f’d in the head.”

Adorable, You’re adorable: This word/phrase is a more recent addition to the bunny vernacular and one I only started using since dealing with Trump supporters. Adorable, while traditionally a nice word, is not a good thing from me and usually leads to an outright insult (which I am trying to avoid more and more believe it or not). Usually I will tell a hater he or she is adorable to avoid saying something far more direct; if they choose to push beyond the “adorable” stage it is followed up by what I meant by adorable, i.e., “And by adorable I mean dumber than a bag of hammers.”

Ok: If you are debating me and I suddenly say ok, I’m done. You never want me to say ok if you are actually trying to change my mind because when I’ve said ok, you’re done. Finito. Finished. Hasta luego. You do not pass go, you do not collect $200.

Pardon?: Danger Will Robinson.

Wha?: This means I have no idea what you just said or are trying to say – if I add LOL to it I am saying that not only can I not understand you but somewhere a dictionary is crying because you’ve officially butchered the English language.

Blow, Shoo, Bye (etc) – Fairly self-explanatory, I don’t want to talk to you and yes, I could just ignore you but it’s more fun to poke you with a stick a little.

🙂 – The smiley face is textbook bunny, and honestly one of the things I believe helped form the persona. Even if you’re saying something sorta mean or unpleasant a smile makes it seem less personal? Or it’s just really damn funny to tell someone to blow themselves and then smile like you just said have a nice day. I actually saw a quote I loved, it said, “Smile at people who hate you.” Perfection.

These words, terms and phrases are the foundation of “bunny speak” and as you probably gathered they are often only used when dealing with those individuals who hate me for no reason… so I give them a reason. Also I hope you noticed that while none of them are polite or overly friendly, they’re not cruel or outright hateful either – even when dealing with people who HATE you, it’s imperative to keep your sense of humor.

Good luck. 😉